Thursday, March 10, 2011

A 'Vole' lot of Sex

Blaming something or someone is the way in which many validate misfortune.

Monogamy is no exception to this rule, and in this case, I blame something I’ve blamed before.

I blame science, but not just any science…

I blame, the convoluted genetic make-up of the homosapien.

And of course,

the scientists who doddle their brains in figuring out the answers to my ‘Why?’

It would appear that scientists have an abundance of time on their hand; so much so that in between launching rockets, wickedly styling their hair, and finding a cure for cancer, they are also working to unlock the mystery of monogamy through extensive study of different mammals.

One such being the prairie vole, a minute cutie, known for engaging in a single monogamous relationship.

Their ‘dating life’ is short, and within 24-hours of meeting a potential mate,

They’ve made a move, sealed the deal, and pledged their love for only one.

True, coitus is involved in this 24 hour period, and no I’m not down with that…
but still, is sex the only reason these two mammals mate for their long lives of 1-2 years?

Scientists believe it is, and have studied this rare mole to validate their point.

During sex, the hormones oxytocin and vasopressin are released and bind to receptors in the brain

As a result of this binding, the vole create memories to last a lifetime.

One time of ‘doing the dirty’ leaves an imprint upon the hearts and simple minds of the vole.

But, while in the absence of these two chemicals, these mammals are unable to create a memorable connection, as is the case of their relative, the montane mole, who is promiscuous and down-right slutty.

The montane vole is 99% genetically similar to their ‘prairie’ companion, yet they lack those key receptors.

So, are humans more like the prairie or the montane?

My experience with the opposite sex, would lead me to believe that the former is the case, but those damn scientists have concluded that the human brain does indeed contain these vital receptors of monogamy (which I will now call VRMs).

BUT, and this is a big one…

These receptors are only activated during sex, and as I’ve stated before it takes more to woo this woman than a nice dinner; a night at the symphony; or even a trip to a winery.
It takes time, and sometimes, yes a few glasses of wine.

Truthfully, the prairie vole doesn’t have long to find their bersheret.

Three months of waiting is equivalent to their life span.

They can’t ponder over whether sex on the first encounter makes them easy, or bound to never have a second date with said vole...

They can’t rationalize the reasons of why this kind of makes them a ‘sloot’
True, their brains aren’t capable of such contemplation…

But, even if it was, examining their future doesn’t fit into their need to breed.
So, Sex within 24 hours is kosher, and called for, like a dill pickle with a hot pastrami sandwich on rye.

Kosher, indeed.

This raises a perplexing question, ‘Is love only possible without sex, and if not, how does this fit into abstinence before marriage?

Many would have you believe that sex has nothing to do with love… the Jonas Brothers, Miley Cyrus…

Wait Ha, as we all know, that last one we all know is definitely not true…

The verdict is still out regarding this vital inquiry… But one thing is certain, the dirty will not be done by this bocher on a first date, second date, or third…

After that…
Well, wouldn’t you like to know.