Monday, November 16, 2009

Reflections/ Why?

This is my third time on Jdate, shalosh (שָׁלוֹשׁ) (3 in Hebrew). You’d think that after the first two times I would have thrown in the my tallit
(Jewish prayer shawl) and moved on to others means in order to bait Bochers, but I haven’t, which leads me to the question of, why? Why, when most of the men I’ve met and most of the dates I’ve gone on have been crazy?

14, that’s the number of Jdates I’ve been on, which is not a lot, but at the same time, it's not something I'd blow my shofar about it.

My first experience was interesting, not bad or good interesting, just plain ole vanilla yogurt interesting. Of that experience, I would say my favorite date would be date #2, Bocher #2, experience achat (אַחַת, 1). Bocher #2’s profile claimed he was 5’4”, which I took to mean that he had a sense of humor, because truly what man is 5’4?” I concluded that he must be at least 5’9.” I gave him the benefit of the doubt and a couple inches. But, on the night of date I opened the door to find a short skinny guy who was indeed 5’4.” In my wedges, I towered over him, which for me, was a new, odd experience. I’m 5’1”. I’ve never been the same height of any male I’ve dated, much less been able to clearly see over his jewfro.
A paper airplane could have soared over his head, and he might not have even felt a breeze. You get the gist. He was short. I was shocked.

Prior to the date, he texted me to ask if I’d be ‘kosher’ with first stopping by a bar that his friend works at for a ‘quick drink.’ On the first date, I feel it is necessary to well, lie. I pretend to be a low maintenance, carefree, go with the flow kind of gal, because most men do not like that in truth I’m a planner who makes daily to do lists, and finds pleasure in checking off completed tasks. That’s scary, not sexy, so, I tell him ‘sure, I love meeting new people,’ which is a complete lie, because I don’t like meeting new people, I don’t even really like people. (I’m slowly getting over this)

Shorty (I will now refer to him by this moniker) and I make our way to the bar. Once we arrive he parks his VW Rabbit in the back parking lot. (Sign #1). We do not enter in the front entrance; instead, he told me that it was ‘cooler to walk in through the back of the bar, more gangster.’ (Sign #2) He motioned me to the bar where does not introduce me to his bartender ‘friend,’ but instead, ordered two drinks for himself, one for me, and proceeded to hand the ‘friend’ his keys and tell him that his car is parked out back. (Sign #3) Prior to trying this website, I’d dated my fair share of drug dealers, or men who said they were just ‘helping out a few friends,’ so I knew a drug deal when I saw one, and yes, my friends, Shorty was a drug-dealer, and this was a deal.

I typically didn’t like to involve myself in illegal acts. (still don’t) So, after I confirmed my suspicion, I asked him to promptly take me home. He did, and I never saw him again.

I continued to date, but was taken aback by the number of men who didn’t pay on the first date, and didn’t look anything like their profile picture. I was frusturated and over Jdate, and as the website ‘Stuff Jewish Young Adults Like, states, I was ‘Liking to Hate to Like Jdate,’ a process which involved ‘ intitial charm’ followed by, a feeling of ‘distinct aversion to the site.’ The site continued to state that ‘typically, after a month, the JYA will deem Jdate “lame” or “desperate” and will claim to shun association with the site […] Finally, after a latency period of around 3 months the typical JYA will again overturn their opinion of the site.’

I guess I’m the ‘typical JYA’ because three months after cancelling my membership, I decided to give it another go. My favorite Bocher during experience shtayim(שְׁתַּיִם, 2) was a young man I shall call ‘23 and looking to get married,’ or ‘Mr. Marriage.’ This time I agreed to meet him at his apartment in Georgetown, because although I learned little on my first try, I did learn that you should always drive separately on Date #1. Awkward conversations are no fun, neither are awkward hugs, awkward kisses on the cheek, even awkward handshakes.

I arrived on a brisk wintry evening to find Mr. Marriage not yet ready, but willing to let me wait in his apartment while he quickly changed sweaters. I would assume that normal men his age would be listening to some form of rap, pop, or rock while getting ready for a date, but he was listening to the soundtrack to ‘The Beauty of the Beast,’ in French, and while I waited, he sang along. Throughout the entire date, he continued to sing, but he was nice and intelligent, so I decided to give him a second chance and a Date #2. This Date was much better than the first. We grabbed a bite to eat at the vegetarian restaurant on his block and then played Scrabble. Yes, it was dorky, but cute dorky.

After this date, I flew back to Alabama for the holidays, during which he incessantly texted me and on the Saturday I got home asked if we could get together. I said I was beat and insisted on Sunday instead. Sunday arrived and I was still jetlagged so I told him I’d have to cancel. He called me and proceeded to tell me that he was ‘on his way to buy me flowers and that he didn’t understand me.’ I told him that I think we needed to ‘slow things down,’ He went off and when I told him I didn’t understand what he was talking about, he said, ‘ you’re a writer, aren’t you supposed to be intelligent?’ I quickly got off the phone with him and never spoke with him again.

Now, to my present try, which as you all have been reading, has been just as amazing as the first two. I do believe that crazy Bocher #1 (of experience shalosh (שָׁלוֹשׁ)) is the craziest I’ve met while on the site. Yet, I haven’t cancelled my subscription, and I’m still hotlisting men, emailing men, and hopefully going on dates with men. Every time I re-subscribe I genuinely hope that I’ll meet someone, because (I will blow my shofar this time) I’m a catch and I, like most maidels, deserve to be rewarded for my efforts. So, why, why go through all the bullshit, the waste of time, and the money, why? Because after every bad date I think that there has to be one good one, one good guy, one happy ending. Nice Jewish Boys do exist. I know a few, 3 including my brother-in-law,my father, and my nephew.

More have to be out there. They have to...Right?


  1. French version of the 'Beauty and the Beast' soundtrack? Was that better or worse than the wannabe gangster drug dealer?

    I love the way you wrap it up. You still give yourself and readers a glimmer of hope that everything will eventually work out.

  2. Dorie, so many parts of this post made me laugh out loud - the shofar, the jewfro, the little history of some of your memorable dates. Henry is right - the ending is perfect and hopeful. And your own voice stays strong and independent.

  3. I was cracking up all throughout this post. Your personality and humor is so natural in your writing. I especially like how you included the Hebrew words... it adds a texture to your writing that has that particular "Dorie" stamp.

    My favorite encounter to read was the drug dealer... oh my God, who would have thought a short skinny boy would do something so shady... and on a first date no less!

  4. I think this post is a great transition from the saga of dating the latest crazy Jdate bocher to potentially making a fresh start with the next eligible bachelor on the site. I've really enjoyed reading all of your posts; your voice is so witty and biting, and I find the writing refreshing even when the stories themselves sound so frustrating!

  5. I really enjoy the self-deprecating sense of humor. You do it well, and it makes me think that you're completely normal and none of this is your fault.

  6. I think what would be an interesting contrast is for you to look for Jewish men on other dating websites. Then again you may experience the same problems that you are encountering now. Sometimes when I'm reading the blog I wonder if it got our to the Jewish community that you're writing this and men are purposely trying to be crazy around you just so you will write about them. I have a friend that meets men whenever she goes to the synagogue, that might be an option.....

  7. I just laughed at the guy that was 5'4" because Will and I are the same height. and thats 5'4"!! haha.