Tuesday, September 22, 2009

"Bocher # 1, Tell us a Little about yourself"

Jdate is a simple idea, complicated by specific rules that must be followed. As a result of this being my third time on the site, I’ve become an ace at these (my) fabricated by-laws .Like many women, and true southern belles, they wait for the man to do the bidding, and in the world of Jdate this can be impeded by obstacles (laziness, timing, etc.) So, what follows is a list of my Jdate by-laws:
1: Finding the Perfect Bocher (bachelor):
Scan your way through the plethora of men in your adjusted age range (mine being 24-30). Start first with the ones under the tab, ‘Newest,’ these being the ‘fresh meat of the day,’ and the newest faces. Next click on the tab ‘Most Popular,’ which, as the tab implies, are the men deemed the worthiest of all. Finally, ‘Hotlist’ those who you find attractive, or interesting, and hook the bait. Once ‘Hot listed,’ said man will then receive an email with the subject of ‘Someone’s interested in you,' followed by my profile picture and Jdate pushing the man to ‘Be a little daring while you're still fresh in their mind and send an email to introduce yourself.’ Trust me, ‘hot listing’ the potential date lets him know you find him attractive. Men and women fear rejection, but knowing that someone finds you attractive stills that worry. Plus, all men enjoy having their ego stroked, trust this third time jdater, it works.
# 2- Deciding whether to respond to the email / Flirt:
The email or flirt, which is a set of already written, cheesy one liners (examples: I’d better call FedEx, you’re the total package; Judging your book by its cover, I’d love to curl up and read the rest) is the usual way in which most Bocher’s contact a Maidel (Bachelorette). As is evidence of the two listed, the writers at Jdate have no true dating experience, but they serve as good indications for many maidels, myself included. Men who send a flirt which reads, ‘ I’d like to share some uncomfortable silences with you’ might be a little creepy and not for you. After waiting for said Flirt or email, I then decide whether to write it off as a good chuckle or respond. This brings us to Rule # 3.
#3 Nailing the date/ the ‘3’ email limit:
The banter back and forth must be witty, light-hearted, and informative. By the third email, the man should have asked for your number, or asked you to join him for a drink/ or dinner. Anything beyond three emails implies that the man does not have the baitsim (balls) to ever contact you. Hence, you are moving on. Fast forward through the phone-call, and to my first Jdate on my third try.
Bocher #1.
As implied, three emails passed between us, before said Bocher asked to take me to dinner. I accepted, after concluding that he was not a nebbish (loser) I emailed him my number and promptly received a call. We set a date, Saturday, September 12th, 7:30 at Sequoia on the Washington Harbor. Sounds promising, I was fooled.
Saturday 11 AM- Text from Bocher #1 (reads something like this): ‘Feeling really ill and don’t want my first impression to be of me being sick. I really don’t want to cancel, but I don’t want to get you sick either…bla, bla, bla, BLA’
The date is a no-go, and I question whether to believe his excuse or believe him to be a putz (Dick). After reading the text, several times to my sister and brother-in-law, I decided to consider his cop-out and give him another chance.
Attempt # 2: Same place, same time, same Bocher. Meet him in the Harbor, am running late because, I’ m a girl and it’s what I do. Warning, Jdate women, or any women who date online, men with one profile picture, instead of the allotted 4, most likely do not look like, or resemble the ‘most fantastic picture they have every taken.’ Fortunately, he did not look like the picture, but he did resemble the man with brown hair, brown eyes, and a smirk. He’s fashioned his 5’9 frame in a striped button-down, the top two buttons he’s left undone, for my pleasure, and black slacks. Preppy, but cute. Unfortunately, after a few sentences; I conclude that he might be schnockered (drunk), already. He isn’t slurring his words, but his thoughts run rampant from topic to topic. I ask several times, ‘Excuse me, what are you talking about?’ Maybe he was nervous, maybe he was drunk, but after ordering a bottle of wine for us, I infer that he’s looking to get even more farshnoshket (loaded), and wants me to join in. Three glasses into the date and I’ve done just that. His party now includes two. And this, my friends, is where the date gets hazy, because I’m a little lady. One drink will do. But, we’re going on a second date this Friday, so I guess I somehow impressed him through slurred words, and, maybe a kiss or two.

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